What a Day

Yesterday was quite the day.  My previous post detailed my morning; here’s how the rest of the day went.

After coming home, taking a pain pill and crying on the Beloved’s shoulder for quite some time and then posting, I stayed in bed the rest of the afternoon, because I really wanted to go to Murphy’s baseball game.  Got dressed, took a pain pill, got in the car to go with the Beloved and Murph, when we see Eric ride by on his bike. Yay!  He wants to come!  So we drop his bike at home and head for the ballpark.  It’s the happiest thing in the world for me when all four of us can do something together.  I was beaming the whole way to the game.

It was a great game.  Murphy played really well, and hit a line drive to left field that brought in two runners, to put us up 4-2.  Later, he made a great throw to try and get someone out at first; they were safe but it wasn’t Murph’s fault!  Eric even retrieved a stray fly ball, for which he received a free snow cone at the snack bar.  We ended up winning 6-5, and it was a great game to watch. It always amazes me; you hear so much about parents being bad sports and being horrible, but in our league everyone cheers, no one ever makes nasty or derogatory comments or anything. It’s a really fun, encouraging atmosphere. We brought our portable chair for me to sit on, since the bleachers put me in agony after about half an hour or so.  By the end of the game, I was feeling pretty sore anyway, but it was a great time.

On the way home, just out of the parking lot, I spy a desk sitting on the side of the road.  Now, you have to understand. I want a desk.  Badly.  I have no organized space to sit and do work.  I’ve been trying for a few weeks to find a way to get a desk, and then fit it into my already overcrowded room.  So I see this desk, and ask the Beloved to go around the block so I can look at it.  It’s perfect!  Not too big, nice drawers, a rolltop, which I’ve always had a thing for; and there’s a lovely sign on it that says “FREE.”  It looks like someone spilled nail polish remover all over the top, but I’m not here for the cosmetics, I’m after function, and everything else is fabulous!  I’m so happy I turn cartwheels in my mind.  We clear a space in the back of the van, and Peru, Eric and I manage to wrangle it in.  By now I’m in pretty severe pain, but again, I’m so happy I can’t stop grinning.  It made me feel like God was watching, saying, ok, you had a huge setback today, here’s a little something to lift you up.

We get home, and try to unpack it, which for some reason was much harder than getting it in.  But we manage.  It’s on the front porch right now, as I still need to find a space in my room.  Then it’s time for dinner; it’s almost 9 o’clock, we’re tired and starving. I am by this time in so much pain I can barely stand, but I stupidly promised Murphy mac n cheese for dinner, and when the Beloved tries to cook him fishsticks instead, well the tears in his eyes break my heart, and I start the water for pasta.  For good measure, I whip up some hummus at the same time, cuz it’s so easy, just throw the ingredients into the processor.  When the mac and cheese is done, I limp off to bed, in the worst pain I’ve ever had, I think. A solid nine on the pain scale. I take more pain med, and lay on the bed, unable to move at all for a good half hour or so.  The Beloved brings me dinner, but I can’t eat it for some time.  Even the thought of lifting a fork, or chewing, hurts.  I finally calm down to about a 7 or so, eat dinner, then go to cuddle and watch TV til I pass out.

It was quite a day.  Rollercoaster.  Today, I have to work on moving things around in my room to get the desk in; I sure hope it doesn’t rain soon because I doubt I’m going to be able to finish today.  I’m very tired and sore, and I keep fighting to find the words I want when I type.  And focus is hard; thoughts of things I need to do flit through my mind, but I can’t quite grasp them. Often, they float back again, and I remember.  Tomorrow, I’d like to try to work, if I’m able. Then, thank God, it’ll be the weekend, and the only thing I have on the agenda is another game on Saturday.

I’m so grateful for my family, for their love and support.  Murphy always asks me if I need a hug when I’m looking bad, and it brings tears to my eyes that he’s so sweet and thoughtful.  He even smiled after one last night, and said “You actually look better after I hug you!” He’s right, of course; love is a powerful medicine, as is touch. I’m fortunate to have plenty of both in my life.

I wouldn’t so much mind a diagnosis of depression, but I just feel like they can’t figure it out so they throw that label on so they can close the file, you know? I think that’s what I can’t convey to the doctors.  There’s sickness of the spirit/mind, and sickness of the body.   Even when I’m feeling awful, in pain, feverish, whatever; I’m happy. I love my family, I love being able to be with them; I love the time we spend together doing simple thing or more adventurous things.  I smile a lot, I laugh a lot. I enjoy my crafts and the people I’ve made friendships with online.  There’s very little pain of spirit, and most of what is there is due to chronic pain.  I am a very lucky woman. I’ll choose physical pain over mental pain any day.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. circleworks
    Mar 31, 2011 @ 16:28:05

    Hey its me Jessica, Broomstixs from Sheep Thrills. Thanks for looking at my blog I have read yours and you are an extremely courageous woman. Have you ever looked into some alternative medicine such as Reiki. ALos have you ever asked the doctors about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Lupus?


    • Cherizac
      Mar 31, 2011 @ 17:52:23

      Hi Jessica! Thanks for stopping by.

      In my own research, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s either inadequately treated hypothyroidism, and/or chronic fatigue. I’m trying to find a doctor who will listen, but since my means are limited, so are my options.

      I am more than open to alternative treatment and have done such exploration as I can manage. I will continue to do so as much as I can.

      I figure, we all have our struggles, some visible, some less so. I try to focus on the good, because there is so much of it in my life, at least in the areas that are important. I’m really one of the lucky ones.


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