In Thanksgiving

I am beyond grateful to have married a man so amazing as to truly GET me and all that I’m going through.  Thank you, my Beloved.

Rising from the mire

So, Happy February.  Seems that my resolve to blog more has taken a rather large hit.

I’ve been feeling really bad.  I don’t know if the trials of almost losing a spouse finally took it’s toll, or whether it was just the flu, but the last couple of weeks I’ve been exhausted.  And in pain.  With fevers, low and high.  Several new symptoms have appeared, and several old ones ramped up their intensity.

The good news is that despite falling off the vegan wagon while Peru was in the hospital, I managed to not gain any weight back; something of a miracle.  I’m trying to get back on that wagon, but am frustrated at the expense and the fuss needed.  I just want to eat and collapse.  But I’m trying.

Through the kindness of a fellow sufferer, I received the book “How to Be Sick” by Toni Bernhard.  She has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and wrote a book on living and coping with chronic illness through Buddhist practices.  Her website is  I’m reading the book now, and participating in a discussion of it on Shelfari.  It’s very interesting.  I’ll try to blog about it more later (not being up to it right now) but in the meantime, if you are struggling with chronic illness, or really, it’s applicable to all sorts of life situations, it’s worth a read.

I started out wanting to write a long, detailed post, but only a few minutes of it and my brain hurts, as does my back, because I can’t put my feet up on the bed because I have to keep my shoes on because the Reynaud’s is so painful right now that even with two pairs of socks and shoes on my toes are burning. So tomorrow, maybe I’ll do better.


Continuing Journey

I had a lovely moment today when a friend I hadn’t seen in a month or two exclaimed “You’re melting away!”  I’ve lost over forty pounds by the scale, but I don’t feel any different, and my clothes were always so baggy that it’s hard to tell, so I never really think about it.  It was very nice to hear, and as always, very motivating.

I’ve been taking my herbs, and I am sort of getting used to them, though they still make me wince.  I find that just holding my nose and chugging them in two LOOONNGG gulps, followed immediately by a sesame cracker chaser makes it well, doable.  I have been feeling better this week (until today) but it’s hard to tell if its the treatment or just the waning cycle.  I’m hoping.  Today the pain was creeping back; my arms especially were sore in the joints, but it wasn’t horrible.  The itch kinda is though; but I’ll get over it.

Haven’t been writing much about food; this week has mostly been leftovers, quick catch, and repeats (meatless loaf, General Tsao’s sauce on seitan, ate out one night) and the freezer is still semi functioning, so I didn’t get to the batch cooking last weekend.  I AM, this weekend, going to make an attempt at making my own seitan again.

I have also been asked to make some special cookie packages for welcome gifts to our referring agents at work.  That’s pretty awesome. I may try to make some lavender shortbread cookies along with the Mexican Hot Chocolate Cookies for some variety.  My co-worker Jenny never misses an opportunity to help people on various levels, to network them and help (me at least) put myself out there.  She is an inspiration to me in many areas I need to grow.  She knew of my fantasy of having a vegan bakery someday, and she finds ways to help.  Awesome.

Thinking a lot about things; feminism, spirituality, my life and purpose, you know, nothing too deep.  Right now it’s all spinny and jumbled; but as it becomes more clear, I’ll try to get it down here.  No promises though, it may never become clear.  But there’s always hope.

It’s official!

I have now lost 40 pounds!  WOOT!

One quarter of what I want to lose.  In just under three months.  That’s about  three and a half pounds a week, just perfect for a healthy, sustainable long term weight loss.  The nice thing is it hasn’t been that hard.  A little, at times, like this past weekend, but I don’t feel like I’m starving all day every day. When I eat more than I really want to, it’s not because I’m hungry; it’s emotional or distraction eating, which has always been a problem for me.  I am learning, however, that I can eat healthy food when that emotional eating need arises, that I don’t have to eat an entire box of cookies or cake or other high fat, high sugar foods.  Giving up dairy has been the biggest boon to my weight loss, I think; it has removed many of the foods I used to binge on.  The benefit of some of the replacement foods for my favorite junk foods (speaking specifically of Purely Decadent Coconut Milk Ice Cream Chocolate Obsession) is first, they’re so rich tasting that I don’t usually want to eat more than an actual serving, and second, they’re so expensive, I feel the need to make them last!

It also means that if I keep up this average (which is unlikely; I know that the more I lose the harder it will get as I get closer to my goal) it will be another nine months before I make it to goal weight.  Best not to think of that.  This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and it will need to be maintained for a lifetime.  And it’s fun!  I’m having a blast learning about foods I’ve never tried, cooking things I’ve never imagined I’d eat, and best of all, teaching my family to be healthy too.  That’s the real payoff; being able to watch my children grow up healthy and smart about food.

My boss teaches his son to “Eat with your Head” not with your tongue; and that’s becoming a catch phrase around here.  At first, I thought, blah; ok, you have to eat healthy, for nutrition only, and sacrifice taste.  Again, I’m finding that to not be true.  You can eat healthy AND deliciously, and you can be empowered to choose to eat healthy portions without  being deprived.  My best friend talks about eating mindfully, and that truly is the basis for a long term change in eating habits. Thinking about what you’re putting in your mouth, and why, and knowing it’s okay to choose less than perfectly on occasion.

Time to go make breakfast.  Reaching this landmark will help me to choose well today. Yay, me!